


All Around Me

by hanorganaas



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Comfort Sex, Community: hc_bingo, Episode Related, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 00:12:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanorganaas/pseuds/hanorganaas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Events of "The Defiant One" John goes to comfort Rodney.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Around Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for hc_bingo using the "Counseling" Square also inspired by an SGA marathon during my 10 Hour Flight to Israel

It was 1 o Clock in the morning when Carson finished patching up John's bullet wound. He needed sleep badly after the hell of the ordeal he went through trying to kill that wraith at the same time trying to make sense of the deaths of Abrams and Gall. He was surprised he was so zen.

He always had this awful tendency. A tendency that always plagued him and heightened the low opinion of himself. When something went wrong he placed blame on no one else but him, even if the incident wasn't his fault.

But things changed once he came to the city. Maybe because he was accepted here there was no reason to waddle in self loathing and the mantra Elizabeth drilled in his head over and over again.

It's not your fault it was beyond your control.

He repeated the mantra over and over again in his head as he made his way back to his quarters so he wouldn't slip.

But his concentration on the mantra broke when he heard a loud crashing sound coming from one of the labs. Dr. Rodney McKay's lab.

"Rodney," he whispered.

John ran as fast as his feet could possibly carry him in case his teammate was injured due to god knows what.

Luckily when he arrived Rodney wasn't injured, well not physically, emotionally. John knew he wasn't taking Gall's death well. On the ride home back the Physicist wasn't himself. The Rodney he knew and liked spoke a mile a minute putting passions into his rants by flailing his arms around in the air. The Rodney he saw today was silent to the bone as he stared out into starry sky. Occasionally John would try to start a conversation but still nothing.

It terrified him to no end but the Major knew it was best not to pressure him. As he stared at Rodney now he knew he made a mistake.

He was drunk, the large bottle of moonshine he stolen from the Genii in his hand made it for him at least clearly evident. The room looked like a bomb hit it as Rodney threw whatever he can find onto the ground.

John didn't think he just ran over to Rodney and grabbed both of his wrists in a bid to grab the alcohol. Beneath his fingers he felt the scar fucking Kolya gave to him just a few weeks ago. For a moment concentration broke again as he felt a pang of guilt for allowing Rodney and Elizabeth, two people he cared for on this expedition. But the mantra repeated in his head again. Not his fault, it was never his fault. 

But now the time was not to think about him, it was the time to think about Rodney. He had to help him before well the usually brilliant physicist did something incredibly stupid.

"Get off me Major," Rodney scowled.

"Calm down Rodney," John replied, "for the love of god just calm yourself."

"NO!"

Rodney shoved John away from him. Unsteady on his feet, the Major stumbled backwards before colliding with the edge of a desk, stopping the fall with his hands. He looked up at Rodney with Hazel eyes widened in shock. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" John yelled.

"Ya tried to take my drink!" Rodney growled back waving the bottle in the air. It was almost empty. He took a long swig as if he were taking a shot letting the last of the Alcohol pour down his throat. "For sick knife wielding bastards the Genii make some pretty good shit!"

He laughed. It wasn't his full hearted laugh but more of a terrifying drunken cackle. The next thing he knew, the glass bottle went flying across the room shattering into thousands of tiny pieces.

John had enough of this, seeing Rodney act like some drunken ass fool. It was more of a self loathing thing, since he been in that position so many times before. 

"Fuck your alcohol Rodney! You are blaming yourself for Gall's death and you don't want to talk about it."

"Says the man who shuts down every time someone dies! Still weeping over Colonel Sumner Eh?"

The words hurt, they really did. If John told himself they didn't he'd just be lying. But he had to be strong it wasn't about him now only Rodney. He reached forward and took his face in his hands. 

"You're right " John said staring straight into Rodney's eyes, "I do blame myself when people die but....As someone who had experienced this feeling so many times before, actually more than I care to want to....." He shifted his eyes away for a moment and made a deep sigh, "it's an awful feeling Rodney...I don't want anyone to experience it."

His eyes shifted back to Rodney's. The scientist's eyes were filled with tears. 

"You...you care about me?" Rodney said, "why do you care about me?"

John bit his lip. He didn't want to admit it the reason why he cared was because...God he didn't want to admit it in his head even because of fear of what others might do, especially with that stupid law in the military. He felt connected to Rodney as if he fit with him perfectly, which was strange because Rodney was almost completely opposite of him. Maybe that's why...

"I just do.."

He suddenly realized how close they were to each other. Their lips were merely a breath away and the thought was just overwhelming. Stepping backwards, he slowly brought his hands down from the other man's face. But as quickly as he flinched as quickly as Rodney's large hands gripped his wrists.

"Wait," Rodney said hoarsely as he guided John's hand back to touch his own face. The other hand was being lead down Rodney's side to touch his waist. The little voice in the Major's head didn't consul him to run and not risk getting in trouble but the fact there were galaxies away from Earth had put him at ease this time. And the way Rodney calmed down as he continued to stroke his cheek, made him feel a bit better about it "Don't stop, as much as I feel as I don't deserve this-"

"Just stop Rodney," John cut the scientist off furrowed his brow, "you do deserve this. You didn't pull the trigger."

Rodney sniffed.

"But I turned away for one minute. If I didn't he would still be alive."

"Gall was dead the moment the wraith got him."

It was silent between the two men for a moment. John's hand continued to stroke Rodney's cheek wiping any tear that was now escaping the scientist's blue eyes. Rodney's thumb now began lightly brushing the inside of his wrist. Instead of this being too overwhelming...John felt...comfortable.

"John," Rodney said breaking the silence.

"Yeah," John responded.

"Do you still blame yourself for Colonel Sumner's death?"

John hesitated answering for a moment. He hated getting into stories about his personal life, since he was indeed a private person. But it wasn't about him it was about Rodney.

"Yes...there are times I do."

"What do you do when that happens?"

John smiled slightly.

"Well I have a mantra I tell myself, that it wasn't my fault. If that doesn't work I well...umm, I do things that make me happy, that make me feel alive."

"Like this?"

The next thing John knew Rodney's lips gently brushed against his. It was a soft kiss at first. But then the kisses became rougher and a bit more clumsy. John moaned as Rodney slid his tongue into his mouth. The moment he tasted the alcohol on Rodney's tongue, he moaned slightly as he jumped back a little. How foolish of him to give in.

He wanted it for a long time. He really did. But with John's low self esteem he was trying to build up again now that he was here around supportive people ,he knew it was going to happen between them, then the next morning he would forget it ever happened. It would hurt, especially if Rodney was one of those people who went crazy at the fact they were "gay". While John did keep his attraction to men as well as women secret to most of his military friends due to DADT he would shrug it off thinking it was normal. He had a funny feeling with Rodney's tendency to be vain....he probably wouldn't take the fact he kissed him well.

"Rodney…you're drunk."

Rodney put his hands on John's hips slowly running his hands up and down the Major's lean frame.

"You drank that whole bottle of moonshine."

"Not at the same time, just an eighth, seventh eights were during other occasions three eighths after Kolya stabbed me, five eighths in a drinking contest with Zelenka."

The fact that he was doing calculations and the gentle and not possessive grip on his waist told John that Rodney had a bit of alcohol in his system...not too much though. One of the hands left his waist and began stroking his cheek.

"Please John," Rodney said, "I want this....I need this."

John leaned forward and kissed Rodney again. This time with a bit more passion. John pulled back as his hands reached for Rodney's blue shirt pulling it over his head. He licked his lips at the sight of Rodney's naked torso. His hands traced patterns around the other man's chest and stomach, his fingers paying particular attention to Rodney's navel as it traced circles over and over again.

With his gasps of pleasure filling the room, Rodney put his lips to John's ear.

"My turn," he whispered causing The Major to shudder in pleasure. 

John's shirt went flying off his head. The next thing he knew his back was against the empty desk which was utilized for conferences. The impact hit his injured arm causing him to wince.

"Sorry," Rodney mumbled as he kissed the wound.

He moved to place a trail of tiny kisses on John's body. Starting with his neck he kissed his throat eliciting tiny moans. His lips moved in a straight line from his chest down to his stomach. By the time Rodney reached his lower belly John was panting.   
He began thrusting his groin towards his face letting the other man know how aroused he was from the things he was doing to him.

"Rodney," John gasped.

"I'll give you what you need," Rodney said fumbling with the buckle of his belt, "I think we both need it."

John was following suit. His sweaty fingers almost failed at their task but smirked in satisfaction as Rodney's pants fell to the ground. John wrapped his legs around the other man’s waist. He watched waiting in anticipation as Rodney wet his own fingers.

“You don’t mind if I fuck you?” He asked.

John just squeezed his legs around the other man’s waist for his answer. Rodney took it as a clear sign that it was an yes. His head fell backwards onto the cold table the moment he felt the fingers enter into him. The scientist took a few moments massage his prostate, opening him up. Moments later the fingers were gone and were replaced with Rodney’s hardness.

Rodney went at a slow pace, which John liked when he was with someone new. Usually the first time with a new man was a little strange for John. Because it was someone new, someone foreign. It was like moving into a new home he had to get comfortable and used to it. Being fucked by Rodney was a testament of how strange and different this new life on Atlantis was. The moment he settled himself inside he was immediately comfortable. Maybe because despite the fact he was mentally impaired by the day’s events, he was gentle. He didn’t use John’s already sore enough body from fighting that Wraith to get his puddle jumper back, as an outlet for his anger…he was just right. 

“Let me know if I am going too fast,” He said continuing his pace.

“You’re perfect,” John replied running his hands through Rodney’s hair, “just fucking perfect.”

John gasped as he felt Rodney’s hand wrap around his hardness pumping him at same pace as his thrusts. His fingers laced into Rodney’s short hair as he groaned. He was so hard and so aroused that his body was shaking.

“Are you close?”

John nodded his head.

“Oh god yes.”

“So am I…I am-“

Rodney sentence was cut off by a loud groan. The next thing he knew he felt Rodney’s warmth filling within him. John followed spilling his seed onto his partner’s stomach. Rodney collapsed onto him, both breathed at the same pace coming down from their high of pleasure of Ecstasy.

“Feeling better?” John asked tracing patterns on Rodney’s back.

“Much….John…”

“Yeah?”

Rodney leaned forward and gently kissed him on the lips.

“Thank you….I needed it.”

John smiled and leaned his cheek against Rodney’s.

“Anything to make you happy Rodney…anything to make you happy.”


End file.
